Receiving a cancer diagnosis, or treatments, or even being in remission and having medical surveillance can turn life into an uphill battle. Whether it’s the treatments or concerns of the disease returning, the worry can hang on. The recent coronavirus pandemic has added stress for many because there is so much unknown.
Given that uncertainties can contribute to making people feel more vulnerable, we thought it might be worthwhile to discuss what might happen to your mood and emotions if you’ve recently been given a diagnosis of cancer. These are sometimes known as stages of grief, and they can be amplified when many other things in your life feel out of control. Know that it is ok to feel these emotions, it’s ok to reach out for help while processing these emotions, and it’s also ok to process them on your own if that’s what you’d prefer.
Stage 1 – Denial
This stage may start before diagnosis, or immediately after a new diagnosis, as the initial shock is wearing off. It can last anywhere from a few hours to days or weeks. The feelings involved can include fear, numbness or bewilderment. This whole process can make the person concerned to feel emotionally ‘shut off’ from the world, and they might avoid others or talking about the diagnosis at all.
Stage 2 – Anger
Once the reality of a new diagnosis sets in, sometimes anger may set in as well. And it can also last for days, weeks or months. But one of the most difficult things to accept during this stage is that there is no one to be angry at. It can stem from the question “why me?” And sometimes, it might seem like the anger would end if there were a definitive cause for the cancer, thus removing the sense of unfairness. Unfortunately, though, given all these reasons, anger will not achieve much, it is a common emotion though.
Stage 3 – Bargaining
This stage is likely to be shorter than others and happens when the person concerned is trying to find meaning for what has happened. It is often associated with ‘if only…’ thoughts: “if I had paid closer attention to my early symptoms, would my cancer have progressed this far?”; “if I hadn’t had that scan 5 years ago, would I have developed cancer at all?”; “if my cancer was smaller, would I have responded better to treatment?”, etc. There are many, many unanswerable questions, and it is not unusual for people dealing with hardships in life to ruminate on these thoughts. This can be exhausting. There is great value in trying to focus on the present and work your way forwards.
Stage 4 – Sadness and depression
Sadness is an emotion that all people feel at certain times during their lives. Like other emotions, sadness is temporary and fades with time.
Depression is a mental health disorder that has an effect on many facets of a person’s life. It can occur in people of any gender or age and alters behaviours and attitudes, often needing professional help to recover from. While sadness can be very deep and sometimes overwhelming, it is a normal emotion you might experience while processing a new diagnosis. Depression, however, is a clinical state that affects everyday activities, and if you feel like this is something you might be experiencing, please reach out to your supports, your GP or Lifeline.
Stage 5 – Acceptance
This does not mean losing or letting go of your previous emotions. Acceptance refers to making peace with your diagnosis and being more prepared to fully step into the next steps. This is your new, albeit temporary, normal. Whilst sadness, anger and confusion are normal emotions in processing a cancer diagnosis, and still might re-emerge frequently, they will also take up energy and slow down your feeling more like yourself.
Everyone’s cancer experience is different. Even if you are diagnosed with the same type of cancer as someone else, you’ll probably still go through different emotions, and have different questions and concerns – and that’s ok. Having cancer is a deeply personal experience, but that doesn’t mean you have to go through it alone. Talk to your parents, siblings, friends, healthcare providers, other trusted people in your life, support organisations – they are all there to help and support you in any way they can. No matter what emotions a cancer diagnosis brings you, do not feel alone. We, at Rare Cancers Australia, would love for you to reach out and contact us if you feel at all uncertain, worried, fearful or just need a friendly chat.
Authored by Dr Emily Isham