Every day we see how important good communication skills are. Cancer survivors need to reach out to family and friends, doctors, other healthcare workers, employers and other people in and out of life.
We know that people with cancer can feel overwhelmed and unable to communicate, even when they’re asked the right questions.
There may be things that are important to you that no-one thinks to ask about. You may want the healthcare team to know about your wishes related to your family. You may not feel comfortable with the way team members explain things to you. Or you may need to tell the team if you have beliefs or customs that you need them to respect. Don’t forget it’s the job of the healthcare team to help you and make you feel comfortable.
Good communication can be a challenge for most of us at any time, but when cancer enters the picture, things can get much tougher. All of a sudden, all sorts of thoughts and questions race through your mind. It’s hard to know what to say or ask first. Some people may find it hard to talk to doctors who seem to know so much, use big medical words and often do not have much time to talk. On the other hand, some survivors may not want to worry a family member, or they may expect a family member to know what to say or do without having to be told.
Good communication means letting someone know clearly what you are thinking and feeling, and finding out what the other person is thinking and feeling too. It’s a little bit like a friendly ball-catching game. One person throws a ball so the other person can catch it without too much trouble. Then the second person throws it back. The purpose is to keep the ball – the communication – going. Nobody is expecting you to be a star. All you have to do is learn and use some basic communication skills.
So, how can you make sure that you are communicating effectively?
Here are 5 basic skills that can improve your understanding of what other people are trying to say to you, and how well you can communicate with them:
Be assertive:
Say what you need to say in ways that make it clear to others that what you have to say is important. Show that you believe that what you say is really important. When it comes to your health, there is no such thing as a silly question. Don’t be afraid to ask for clarification or reinforce that you want to be involved in treatment decisions.
Use ‘I’ messages:
Make statements with the word ‘I’ in them, such as “I think…” or “I feel…”, rather than statements like “you should…”. Many issues in cancer are very difficult to talk about; issues so personal or important – most people are just not used to talking about these things. The quicker you can learn to communicate clearly and directly, the better off you will be. “I think…” or “I feel…” sentences are very helpful to those around you who are trying to understand or help.
Active listening:
Listen carefully to someone, show them you are listening and then check the message with them to make sure that what you heard is what they meant. This is a helpful skill every day – when you’re listening, nod, make eye contact, and repeat back what you think the person has just said: “What I hear you’re saying is that… Is that right?” It’s easy to misunderstand when someone else is speaking, and easy to think that a listener understands you when they have a completely different thought in mind than what you intended. That’s why checking the message is so important.
Match your words with your nonverbal communication:
Non-verbal communication can include facial expressions, hand gestures, posture, or other body language. It’s important that body language matches your words. If your facial expressions or actions send a different message from your words, people may be confused and not actually realise how uncomfortable you actually might be – for example, if you smile while you’re talking about how much pain you’re feeling.
Express your feelings:
Let others know what you feel as well as what you think. It’s healthy to be aware of what you’re feeling and to share that with those who can help you. Even though circumstances can’t often be changed, feelings are important and valid and need to be recognised as such.
Keep in mind: good communication does not mean perfect communication. It does mean that 2 or more people use their skills to help each other get the story told and be understood clearly – like the friendly ball game. Good communication means that one person tries to aim the message as directly as possible towards the receiver. In turn, the receiver is willing to move a little or stretch a bit if necessary to catch the message before returning it. Sometimes one person with far better communication skills than the other has to stretch quite a bit to keep it going, and the ball may be dropped now and then, but it can always be picked up and thrown again.
Authored by Dr Emily Isham