For many of you in the cancer community, this is a familiar term, used so widely that explanation need not be attached. “You have cancer”. Three words that no-one ever wants or expects to hear. It can feel as if time has stopped suddenly and your brain numbs; no new information is retained in a cohesive manner.
If you have been recently diagnosed with cancer, you may still be completely overwhelmed with floods of new emotions, confused by your ‘unluckiness’ and floored by the sheer volume of medical interventions and appointments you have to juggle logistically. In this moment, what your future looked like seems to have irrevocably altered. And though there has been so much sophisticated progress in cancer diagnosis and treatment over the past decade, cancer still commonly brings with it loneliness, pain, hardship and the consideration of death.
Some of the emotions you might experience in the coming months are:
Denial
You’ve probably already been exposed to the common media portrayal of cancer, the public health campaigns about ways to avoid it, or perhaps, more directly, by seeing someone you know and love go through treatment. Nevertheless, it may still seem inconceivable that you are now a part of the cancer community; you yourself have cancer. Everyone wants to believe that their diagnosis was a mistake – whether it be the results being mixed up, the doctor perhaps reading them wrong, or coming to the wrong conclusion. Maybe you might instead just feel tempted to ignore the diagnosis, and live as though it didn’t happen.
This sort of denial is understandable short-term as you start to process what’s happened, however denial can become detrimental and even harmful if it persists. Cancer will not simply disappear if it’s ignored. Acknowledge these feelings, acknowledge that they’re a normal part of this adjustment, and acknowledge your disbelief and sadness. The possibility of thwarting this beast only comes with seeing the beast for what it is.
Anger
Don’t be surprised if you start experiencing anger towards your diagnosis and the cancer that lurks in your body. You may even experience irrational anger towards your healthcare team, your individual doctors, the clinic or hospital, and even the entire medical profession for not yet having a quick, efficient cure to curtail this menacing cancer wreaking havoc on your life. Occasionally some people feel angry with themselves for whatever reason they feel they may have caused your cancer or not noticed possible early warning signs. This anger can sometimes accumulate, if not acknowledged, and start to negatively affect the way you treat others – whether loved ones or acquaintances, causing you to be impatient, say hurtful things or act in an unkind way.
Though it’s a valid emotion, anger is an ugly emotion that will not contribute in any positive way to your situation. If you feel unable to deal with your anger, it is important to seek out a professional to talk about it with. Mental health professionals and counsellors can enable you to come to terms with these uncomfortable feelings, and then help you learn to manage your anger in more effective ways, channeling your energy and emotions into more positive behaviours.
Fear
Sometimes, behind anger is something else: fear. And as you start working towards accepting your diagnosis and adjusting your lifestyle and expectations accordingly, there will be many concerns and worries along the way – perhaps concern about what the treatment might entail and the pain ahead, worry about finances, fear of death.
Often these fears and concerns can be magnified when we shut down and hold them inside, not divulging them to anyone else. “A problem shared is a problem halved.” When you talk about what you’re afraid of with people you love and trust, problems seem to shrink; they can take up less space in your mind. Don’t be afraid to share your concerns with others – whether it be in a personal or professional relationship. By acknowledging and articulating them, usually your fears are robbed of the power they hold over you, and you can then be more freed up to find the support you need to move forward constructively.
Acceptance and hope
Feelings and emotions at such a pivotal, life-altering moment can sometimes be confusing and scary, but acknowledging them is a significant step in coming to terms with your new cancer diagnosis, and can give you the assuredness and strength to move forward. Cancer will modify your life in many ways, but once you’ve started adjusting to the many changes and started to endure treatment, you’ll start realising that you’re a lot stronger than you thought you were. It might make you re-evaluate your relationships with friends and family, it might make you adjust the order of who you’d usually turn to for comfort or assess whether the relationship is mutual. It might even give you a different perspective on life. Try to focus on just one moment at a time as you slowly wade through the thick mud of these early days – going forward is going forward. It will become more manageable with each moment and each step. Focus on living your life as fully as you can and finding some beautiful moments in each day.
The one essential tool to fight your cancer is hope. Hope propels us forward, helps us rise to each new day, enables us to keep fighting with determination, even if you don’t feel strong. And hope, most importantly, gives you the will to live.
“Cancer is so limited…
It cannot cripple love.
It cannot shatter hope.
It cannot corrode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendship.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot reduce beauty.
It cannot quench your spirit.”
Anonymous